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Galaxiki Community BlogSubscribe via RSS ALIENS, GO HOME!March 07, 2010by dakotastrange Empress Anthium rapidly tapped her twelve finger-like appendages on the table before her. Her folds of fat so characteristic of the Epithian race seemed to ripple down from her frowning face to her small pudgy feet. All encased in a gloriously bizarre gown of tiny rotating wheels mimicking the intricacies of the inner mechanics of a clock. It should be explained at this point that the Epithians while having a high degree of intelligence where a particularly odd sort for their behavior was lacking in any desire for exploration or even travel. They had no need for vehicles, flight would certainly be considered a folly, and just the thought of any type of sailing vessel would be considered useless to these creatures of such sedentary lifestyles. It wasn't that they were lazy but due to climatic conditions there were long periods of drought and winter when foods were not just scarce but non-existent, so when supplies were plentiful they indulged themselves storing nutrients in fat which their bodies reserved for these long periods of strife. And it cannot go unnoted, the Epithians are obsessed with gadgets...yes, gadgets of every description and use or none-use...gadgets to attach to gadgets. Gadgets that hardly followed any design rules of form following function for many of these gadgets took more time to operate than the time it would take to perform a task manually. Perhaps, this fondness for gadgetry began as a status symbol, or even necessity, but it had been nurtured for so long that it had far passed the point of absurdity. "Well, Minister, when-in-the-hell are they leaving?" Empress Anthium bellowed while methodically attaching a pen holder to her writing pen which was connected to her electronic writing pad which was attached to a computer-like instrument which when in operation copied the original text to paper. Hastily unfolding his portable kneeling stool and then lowering his large frame on it, he nervously replied, "I attempted to get an answer, dear Empress. Of course, trying to be most diplomatic so as not to besmirch my sovereigns' sense of hospitality, I queried them several times but without success...but, my lady, the Captain has requested a moment of your time, and I suspect, it is in regards to this very matter." The Empress released a loud huff of desperation. She was tired of these aliens who had so abruptly plopped themselves in her land. She had been as curious as any Epithian as to who these reed-thin creatures were and what they were about, but the amusement had long disappeared for it was now over a Epithian year and they made no effort to take their leave. Their attitude and bearing has always been one of aloofness and arrogance, but she had made every opportunity to entertain them, offering up hospitality above the norm, but they seemed to prefer keeping to themselves in their strange vessel and had only recently started erecting some sort of tower along side it. Well, this certainly seemed evidence they were taking up permanent residency and this she would not allow. No, no, no. This she would not allow! The language translating device strapped to the Captain's chest squawked and screeched as he engaged it (as it almost always did). "Most honored Empress, I must humbly apologize for not offering sooner an explanation for our lengthy stay...but, you see, it is most embarrassing. We who have traveled among the stars...our race is unrivaled in it's abilities to explore the Universe...our scientific knowledge goes beyond any other which we have ever encountered... Your majesty, we had no intention of coming to your planet. It was only after a sudden burst of energy, the source remains unknown, blew our ship off course and...well...it's so embarrassing...but, to get to the point...we are lost." On hearing this, the grand lady erupted...some would say she just "lost-it." Throwing her head back she railed in torrents of laughter. She could not control herself. She just could not stop laughing. The startled Captain composed himself and fell into the humor of the moment, but as his amusement subsided the Empress's great mass started to tremble from this outburst of uncontrolled laughter. He immediately summoned her aides who, at first themselves amused by the infectuous laughter, soon became alarmed as the honorable lady's expression became one of panic and agony while the screams of laughter spurted from her lips. The royal medics were called in and their perplexed attempts to halt the Empress from laughing proved fruitless. As other members of the Court gathered and no one ventured an idea of their own as to how to bring the lady back to normalcy, the Captain asked if might try one idea. Given the go-ahead, the Captain approached the Empress and with the most intense pressure he could apply soundly pinched the lady. "Aaaahhhh!!!" The supreme royal cried out and immediately the laughter was to subside. After several gulps of air she whispered a weak 'thank-you.' After several more minutes of gathering her senses she spoke as a broad smile flashed across her face, "The reason the Captain and his crew are still here is because they are lost!" And so began, again, the laughter...but now the Empress was joined by the entire assemblage. Well, the Captain had no other choice after the laughter would seemingly never end...so he started pinching everyone and encouraged the ones that had stopped laughing to pinch the others until all were back to civility and calm. Now, this episode might well soon have been forgotten if the Epithians had not immediately took note of a need for a pincher gadget. These gadgets would soon be trading for high sums and would be the essential core on which the Epithian economy would be based for the next two decades. The aliens completed their communications tower and were immediatley elated when they were able to contact a sister ship that enable them to set the coordinates necessary for finding their way home. A joyous celebration attended by almost all the Epithian nationals sent the aliens off. In the palace as she watched the ship rise in the sky, the Empress Anthium smiled and turned her attention to the array of pinchers spread before her. A lovely gold embossed pinching gadget caught her eye and with a sigh and a smile she said to herself, " Well, everyone needs a good pinch from time to time."
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